Isn’t it just strange when you have so many mix feelings that you don’t really know how you feel? Are your mixed feeling a problem?. Do your feelings help you to solve your problem or they just confuse you?
I haven’t got time to think about it but somehow after shifting to Pakistan I realized how changed I am, the changes I’ve had, in my life, my way of thinking, of looking at the world, of living, etc… It made me realize the fact that I’m living my own life here not the life I’m suppose to live. I don’t mean this in a bad way, but it’s just that I got to realize that now I’m responsible for myself, for what I do, the decisions I take, etc.
Question is what actually mixed feelings is? Mixed feelings can be anything.
When I have mixed feelings, I can be sad, happy, mad, frustrated, aggravated, and depressed at the same time.
As our family is distributed to different countries, I go through these feelings many times. I wonder why are we separate?? Won’t we ever live together again? Few days ago I felt strange, feeling sad that my mom is going back to dad, knowing this already months ago that it will happen and I also knew that I’ll feel lonely after she goes back..even though I was mentally prepared, yet I felt a hollow space in my life as soon as I left her at the airport.
It is sad to come back from university to a lonely home, not having anyone to see the wall clock trying to tell that Wafa Tariq you are late and not having anyone at night telling me to turn off the light and go to sleep and like this list goes on…
Well, sometimes it feels good to be alone but mostly this loneliness kills, You feel that something odd is happening..You don’t understand what actually “that” odd is..That ODD is called “MIXED FEELINGS”
“We are slow to believe that which if believed would hurt our feelings.” Louis Nizer
Louis talked about mixed feelings in very complicated way..but it’s the whole story of my life compressed in just one sentence. Or you can say my feelings compressed here.
Many times I desperately want “MY TIME”…Time where only ME is there, no one else. I want to think about myself, what I am doing, where I am standing and where I should be..but.. the other time.. I think how selfish I am, just thinking about “ME”.
I want to conclude my article now as if I go on writing..I will never end! And I know my situation or say my feelings..you won’t be able to understand them..After all they are MY MIXED ODD FEELINGS..!!
“There is no other who experiences your thoughts or your feelings”