3Ws- Who, Where, What?

I always ask myself WHO AM I? Where am I? What I am? But never get any answer. But I felt…

I am surrounded by my closed ones who involve relatives and my friends and some others too. I am standing trying to see far away. I can see my desired goals in front of me. I can even see my hobbies and my interests within my reach. I know I can grab all of them. In fact I have ALREADY grabbed most of them. I am holding them in my hands. I can feel them there.. but.. they keep on slipping from my hands.

If something drops, I try to pick it up! But sometimes it’s difficult to pick it back. There are also times when my whole power just drain out to AGAIN pick it up! Whenever any wanderer come, he give it back to me but most of them come and take it with them leaving me barehanded again.

I am not able to keep it near me..I just can’t…There is a huge see-through sheet in front of me acting as a barrier with wide hole at mid of it through which I can take only my hands out. I have grabbed everything from this small hole.. This sheet isn’t allowing me to achieve what I want. I can see everything from that stained sheet. My interests, hobbies..my work..my achievements… people who are achieving. I wish to be there… I want to achieve too…I want to excel too…I know I can do…I have potential to do …but…I can JUST SEE!

Ammm… Yes! I can easily take my hands out of it but I will have to drop everything which took lots of struggle and almost my whole life to collect. I tried to break this barrier many times but failed. I am on mercy of others. I want someone else to break this sheet, I want someone to hold my things and ask me to get out of it. I want someone to hold my hand and show me the path otherwise I will have to go back where I was. The place called “STONEAGE” where I will have to again sit in corner. Afraid of everyone!  Afraid to compete!

But then I think there is no use if THAT someone comes. What can one person do when a strong force is behind me pulling? Wanting me to leave everything and come back? Want me to leave my goals, my achievements?? Isn’t allowing me to take step?

I am holding my Interests, I am TRYING to hold them all…but constant pulling from them isn’t allowing me to have a tight hold on them. A person who see me trying, who see that this person really wants to do something comes and encourages me …gives me some suggestions… and go… Some come and pull me hard, they are the one who really want to see me get out of it but who can wait for long? Others criticize and discourage twice the previous ones encouraged and go! They do their work leaving me standing all HOPELESS!

This is how my life is passing with many up and downs..I can feel that gradually I am losing all my courage, all positivity which was in me. I want to give up everything. Every little thing I do.

These are the thoughts of an empty vessel, the me who tries to grab everything within reach, tries to climb all the mountains alone, tries to hoop through all struggles by myself without realizing that God is the only one who could do that….But then I consider again and think closely….that’s when I see a ray of sunshine, a glimmer of hope and the ability to achieve.. That’s through MY FAITH IN GOD!… He is who makes me something, shows me the path and guides me to destinations where I achieve what I want. There is no person that could ever do that, it’s just the power of my God…and trust me real Faith is where it’s ALL at. Without Him,

Who am I? I am NO ONE,

Where am I? NO WHERE

What I am? Absolutely NOTHING

6th Grade Girl on Board!

I was in sixth grade when I travelled alone to Saudia from Pakistan. The more my family was afraid, the more excited I was. The excitement which soon transformed into experience (as usual).

My excitement started to lose its value when I was standing on the gate to enter airport, officer asked about my family while seeing the ticket, when I said I am alone, he still searched until he was sure that I am alone.

The first thing which he asked was if I will be able to travel alone? I said Why not? He smiled. I became so frustrated that why he asked me. I am a sixth grade MATURE girl… yes, I had this “mature” feeling with me at that time maybe because I was travelling ALONE.

Well like this, officers at almost every check point asked about my family and a specific smile was also given (God knows what that smile meant). The female checkpoint not only came with my regular one but with my whole bio data as if next day she will come for my RISHTA.

When I reached boarding area, I came to know about a new rule, which state luggage should be stripped. Now I, innocent girl, had to look for this machine. When I was done with it and was handing him the money. He said “beta tum chooti hoo, rehnay do”. This “choti hoo” attacked me like a sword but I ignored after all I was a “mature” kid who was saving money <not to mention for chocolates>

When I reached boarding counter, the officer immediately saw me after seeing my passport and said “beta don’t wait for expiry date, renew your passport with your RECENT photograph else no one will recognize you after some months” Actually the passport which I was having was made when I was in second grade, so you can imagine the difference between a second grade kid and a sixth grade kid. I was embarrassed. I just said “jee uncle” on which he said “O! Tumhari to INNNI si awaz hai” This time my temper shooted. How can he say this to a MATURE kid? What if I am sixth grade girl having a height of fourth grade student and my voice?? By the way no one told me about INNI SI voice!!!

Well, moved towards immigration area quietly. Answering same questions again and again, now it’s time for waiting room-My temporary destination. Just to pass my time, I took shopping area, forgetting that I AM A KID! I had to listen all kinds of comments “bachi ghum gae”, “ap ki family kahan hai beta?”, some were even ready to pull my cheeks out! I bought chocolates, and then quickly and most important quietly reached waiting area where I got wild stares. Ignoring those stares because I had enough already, I took out my Chocolates and started eating. Thank God we had to board just after 5 minutes .otherwise I would have taken their eyes out and would be playing “marble marble” with them; After all I was a kid naa?

As soon as I entered plane, my cheek screamed for mercy. <Maybe this is the reason I am having CHEEEKY CHEEKS today >… Well, I got seat between an aunty and uncle. Anti who was thinking I don’t know English and was translating each and every word which airhostess was saying but since I was too tired to tell everybody that I have sense, I decided to let her speak.

Meanwhile, airhostess bought an airline bag and a coloring book which I very quietly put it in my handbag thinking to give it to some REAL KID and took my novel out. While I was reading, the uncle and aunty left no moment to disturb me so I had to pretend that I am sleepy.

After two and half hour, I thanked God as my destination was there and uncle aunty had to travel more. After leaving plan my roller coaster journey ended and I came back to my original state as no one is concerned in Saudia of who I am with and how small I am until I have a passport and ticket!