Unexplained..

Leave me quiet. Leave me alone. No, I don’t want to speak. I am good like this. Lips zipped. I don’t want to explain. I don’t want to clarify anything. Sometimes it is worthless to explain things. We feel tired of explaining. It is just useless. It is just known as ranting when you speak in anger. You throw bombs on others which don’t even explode. You utter words trying to explain things to people yet every little struggle you do to explain go in vein. Actually everything you say comes on you like a hoarded monster waiting for you to say a word and it will torture you with those words till you die. It is like digging grave for your own.

No use to make people happy when you know in order to make someone happy, you will have to offend someone else. This is life’s ritual or you can say custom of life. Everyone is dependent on other. If you think that you can do wonders on your own then you are wrong. It is your figment of imagination.

But what does it mean? You keep piling things on?? Waiting for the right moment to blow up? Meanwhile you keep burning inside? No, I don’t think this is the solution. Solution is simple yet we have made it difficult. We feel shame to do that act. We think this will make us small. But it is not like that. Take it in. Take everything inside. Clear all your mind and heart and bow down your head in front of Allah. Have brief conversation with The Almighty Allah. Who created you. Talk to Him. Tell him all the worries. Tell him, EXPLAIN him. And after elucidating EVERYTHING make HIM responsible to patch up things. Say it in your words “ALLAH do this for me” and believe HIM that HE will do and sit back, relax and see the magic.

Garbage 1

I am not there, when my best friend needs me. Okay! fine! I admit Life and death is in hands of Allah but here I am sitting doing nothing when my friend needs me. When my “all laughing always smiling” friend is crying. Friend who always cheers others, always make other smile is crying. When she needs someone to cheer, I am here out of country sitting; doing nothing. SO SAD! SO SO SAD! I feel pity for myself. I feel powerless. I feel shit!

Wafa Tariq it is “THE TIME”  which people remembers. You are helpless. You can’t do anything. You are just a spare wheel which is puncture. You can’t do anything. You are useless. When you can’t help anyone when they need you then you are not allowed to be their part of life when they don’t need you!!!

I wish I could ask you to die Wafa Tariq. LANAT!

3Ws- Who, Where, What?

I always ask myself WHO AM I? Where am I? What I am? But never get any answer. But I felt…

I am surrounded by my closed ones who involve relatives and my friends and some others too. I am standing trying to see far away. I can see my desired goals in front of me. I can even see my hobbies and my interests within my reach. I know I can grab all of them. In fact I have ALREADY grabbed most of them. I am holding them in my hands. I can feel them there.. but.. they keep on slipping from my hands.

If something drops, I try to pick it up! But sometimes it’s difficult to pick it back. There are also times when my whole power just drain out to AGAIN pick it up! Whenever any wanderer come, he give it back to me but most of them come and take it with them leaving me barehanded again.

I am not able to keep it near me..I just can’t…There is a huge see-through sheet in front of me acting as a barrier with wide hole at mid of it through which I can take only my hands out. I have grabbed everything from this small hole.. This sheet isn’t allowing me to achieve what I want. I can see everything from that stained sheet. My interests, hobbies..my work..my achievements… people who are achieving. I wish to be there… I want to achieve too…I want to excel too…I know I can do…I have potential to do …but…I can JUST SEE!

Ammm… Yes! I can easily take my hands out of it but I will have to drop everything which took lots of struggle and almost my whole life to collect. I tried to break this barrier many times but failed. I am on mercy of others. I want someone else to break this sheet, I want someone to hold my things and ask me to get out of it. I want someone to hold my hand and show me the path otherwise I will have to go back where I was. The place called “STONEAGE” where I will have to again sit in corner. Afraid of everyone!  Afraid to compete!

But then I think there is no use if THAT someone comes. What can one person do when a strong force is behind me pulling? Wanting me to leave everything and come back? Want me to leave my goals, my achievements?? Isn’t allowing me to take step?

I am holding my Interests, I am TRYING to hold them all…but constant pulling from them isn’t allowing me to have a tight hold on them. A person who see me trying, who see that this person really wants to do something comes and encourages me …gives me some suggestions… and go… Some come and pull me hard, they are the one who really want to see me get out of it but who can wait for long? Others criticize and discourage twice the previous ones encouraged and go! They do their work leaving me standing all HOPELESS!

This is how my life is passing with many up and downs..I can feel that gradually I am losing all my courage, all positivity which was in me. I want to give up everything. Every little thing I do.

These are the thoughts of an empty vessel, the me who tries to grab everything within reach, tries to climb all the mountains alone, tries to hoop through all struggles by myself without realizing that God is the only one who could do that….But then I consider again and think closely….that’s when I see a ray of sunshine, a glimmer of hope and the ability to achieve.. That’s through MY FAITH IN GOD!… He is who makes me something, shows me the path and guides me to destinations where I achieve what I want. There is no person that could ever do that, it’s just the power of my God…and trust me real Faith is where it’s ALL at. Without Him,

Who am I? I am NO ONE,

Where am I? NO WHERE

What I am? Absolutely NOTHING