Motherhood


*actually i am bored hence writing*

He is going to be 8 months old soon. He already started to try to crawl. Still when I see him, I ask myself, is it real? Is this my baby? Did I deliver him? Am I a mother? Ajeeb. Right? Hmm.. Sometimes it is very difficult to accept the truth that bachpan is over. I am responsible now. 

You know what.. There is no as such difference when you get married (atleast in my case) but when you get a kid. AllahoAkbar! The change is real man! 

You have to change yourself, your routine, your priorities. People treat you differently. All of a sudden you become Aunty from Baji =p ajeeb na? Hmm… Life is ajeeb. 

Sometimes when I observe him playing. SubhanAllah. How Allah teaches everything. From sucking milk to smiling, laughing, rolling, crawling, walking and what not.. SubhanAllah. Ajeeeb. Pure ajeebness around us. Yet we still do Na shukri.

I still remmember when we went to hospital for pregnancy checkup , doctor told that baby does not have a heart beat and we will wait for a week otherwise we will clear it up. We asked is there anything to be done? They said nothing. Wait and watch. 

How helpless we were. SubhanAllah. Allah is the one who gives life and death. No doubt. Hmmm..

Another start! 


So Alhamdullilah after an year gap, another attempt of this Naqis. 

Last year I was giving talks to people who were already Muslims and knew our basic aqeeday well.. 

NThis time majority of them are converts. New experience. New struggle. It is actually reality check that me as a born muslim cannot define the minute details of the deen. Why? Because we never give or deen the inportance these new Muslims are giving. They are the ones who sacrificed their lives to convert. Some left their family. Some left their circle.

That is the reason we should not judge any person. Not even non muslim because you never know if they accept islam tomorrow then they will be the one most purest and you will be the bad one then..

May Allah make me beneficial for others. And make it beneficial for my own soul. 
I intend to continue this work inshaAllah. Session 1 started with benefits of Sohbat ( good companionship) with the story of Taif. 

May Allah put barakah in the gathering. May Allah change our hearts through this gathering. May Allah make us firm on deen. May Allah make us walk on the path of Haq and save us from all fitnah. Ameen

Love for boy-2


14-11-2016, first fall from bed. =P All good Alhamdullilah.

My boy is 7 Months old now Alhamdullilah. The biggest milestones he has acheved this month was rolling over and sitting. I am still thinking the day he was so small that we used to say “derh balish ka hai”, Now MashaAllah he does not fit in my laps. Allah! Time is flying.

I still remember those days in which I used to cry of helplessness and then those days in which he started to hold my dupatta or shirt tightly because he thought it will save him from falling *cuteness overloaded* but amm if we see it from other perspective. Isn’t it that we also try to hold Asbaab tightly because we think that these “things/asbaabs” are the actual things which are controlling our lives. whereas actually Allah is holding us.

Kheir back to the topic, I also remember the day when he started smiling. SubhanAllah how a smile can vanish all sorrows. Then the day he extended his arms for me. For me to hold him. He showed that he needs me.

When he wakes up, we enjoy some US time. we play with each other. Smile at each other. WE say “I love you and you love me. We are happy family” =P *Cheesy enough* I try to enjoy every moment with him Alhamdullilah.

I am imagining if Allah loves his banday 70 times more than a mother then I should be doing all these things with Allah Taala which I am expecting from Fawaaz. i.e. Talking to Allah Taala every morning by doing zikr azkaar maybe.

Now I understand why in Surah Kahf it is written

Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life. But the enduring good deeds are better to your Lord for reward and better for [one’s] hope

Why the word “children” is mentioned. ..because it is very difficult to remind again and again that this love for Fawaaz is only for the sake of Allah.  May Allah give me toufeeq to remember Allah and akhirat every second. This all can get over any second. Technically, One should not get attached to anyone so much.

kheir.

 

 

Love for the boy!


LOVE FOR THE BOY!
He’s growing every day, each day is better, more different from the other. His smiles takes my breath away, his tears do the same. Having a child is the most joyful thing to ever experience. You realize that a baby has the two most important abilities, to make you stronger than you’ve ever been and to make you weak in the knees. Life changes drastically, you change drastically. Change is good, everything is good, especially with him in it.

*jab pyaar a raha hoo*

Boy!


Okie so after long time I am writing something because my boy does not give me any free time. Oh yes! You got it right. MY BOY!

Alhamdullilah, with the toufeeq of Allah, I gave birth to handsome boy on 13th April 2016. Life is just rushing since then on 5th gear. LOL. Jokes Apart. My ilm and home chores also consume my good amount of time Alhamdullilah.

Well, hmm ..the reason I am writing today is because I thought I want some “ME” time….Astagfirullah. Why Astagfirullah? Because ME TIME is supposed to be with ALLAH Taala. No? Our ROH (SOUL) has some rights towards us. We need to give our Rooh some time too. We have to nurture it too. And the key to nurture the Nafs Is to give time in remembering Allah. May Allah make me among those people who remember Allah every second. Ameen.

Life was going on 2nd gear after my marriage. Smooth and Steady. Drenched in the love of Allah. Earning for and connecting with Allah.. MashaAllah. And then bomb blast! I got pregnant. Sickness attacked me. Depression attacked me. Ilm was not going right. I left Ilm. I left myself. Everything was ajeeb. My world was demolishing.

I used to cry and cry. For no reason. I gave hard time to my husband AllahoAkbar.. Alhamdullilah I got best of best husband. He was by my side every second Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. Those were no doubt Horrible days. 3-4 months went like this. I was pregnant but I was loosing weight instead of gaining.

After 4 months, Alhamdullilah I got control of myself. Sickness started to go and then I realized I did wrong to myself. I left Ilm. I continued Ilm. Started to take recordings of my missed classes. Alhamdullilah rest went smoothly. It was just a phase every women has to see. I thought it was the toughest phase. Indeed it was, but it was ONE OF THE toughest phase. LOL

My husband is LOVE❤ One day I was feeling something awkward. We thought to go to hospital and there they admitted me because my water bag was leaked (Obviously I am skipping lots of details =P) He was by my side when I was in emergency room Alhamdullilah. I was pregnant and I had to deliver but my husband was vomiting =p “cuteness overloaded” (I still torture him for this)

The real exam started after a day I delivered. My husband was not allowed to stay in hospital. I was alone by myself. With the child. Who does not know anything but CRYING. Allah o Akbar. Those four days were the horrible-est days of my life. I literally hated my own child Astagfirullah. I used to say that openly. I used to cry whole night because he was always hungry. Someone just stole my life harshly. I was not able to sleep properly. It was torture. My mind was blowing up. What did I do? Why did I gave him birth? Astagfirullah. These were the thoughts I had.

After four days, I came back to my home. Had to do all chores the very next day. No pampering. You know what, life has always treated me like this. Alhamdullilah. Summa Alhamdullilah. Maybe Allah wanted me to come closer to HIM. To only ask HIM help. Allah O Alam.

My hateness remained there for good one month. I used to care for him. Do everything for him. Always available for him. But he never smiled. SubhanAllah how insan are. Right. We always do things to take benefit in return. Yes this is human nature. Astagifrullah.

Now I am reflecting on what I did. May Allah forgive me. How ungrateful I am. I am just imagining how Allah nurtures us and we do not give HIM any response. Still he continues to take care of us. What if one day Allah Taala just abandon us. Astagfirullah (Now I feel writing out is clearing my own mind ALhamdullilah)

When he became 2.5 months, he started to smile but rarely. I STILL remember the day when I caught him smiling at me. I was changing his pamper and there you go =) It was for seconds. And I tried again and again doing the same pose but he did not smile =P

Both of us, always tried to make him smile. And whenever he smiled.. I cannot explain the emotions…then when he was 3.5- 4 months. He started laughing. It was so sudden. My husband always used to play with him. He suddenly started to laugh. And we were shocked. My husband tried to record. But failed. Tried again. failed. But we knew this is coming soon. After a month,  he started laughing frequently. ALhamdullilah. And the beautiful journey began.

He is a part of me. He is Alhamdullilah 6 months old going to be 7 soon inshaAllah. He recently started rolling over.   Actually 31st October 2016 is the exact date when he rolled over.

Alhamdullilah I have scheduled my life with him. My ilm , home chores and fawaaz. Though nothing is of quality now. (I doubt if it was before)

Parenting is difficult. Life is difficult. Tarbiyat is difficult. But we all know life is a test. We all are here for test and I assume this is one of the biggest tests.

May Allah give us toufeeq to raise our child according to Shariah teachings. May Allah give us toufeeq to fill the gap we had in our lives. May Allah make our child coolness of our eyes. May this boy takes us to Jannah with him. Ameen.