“You should breastfeed your child. You give top feed? So cruel.”
“Oh your kid is almost 3, and you have not potty-trained him yet?”
“Oh your kid is 3, you don’t send him to school?”
“Oh, your kid goes to day care. You are such a merciless mom, aiming your dreams while your kid is being neglected”
“Your kid is so hyper”
“Your kid is so naughty. You should scold him”
“Don’t scold your kid. He is too small. Let him have fun. This is his age”
These and many more comments which I and mothers like me listen on daily basis, reminds me of an example.
A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market. As they were walking along, a man passed them and said, “You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?” So the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way.
But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said, “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.”
So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on the donkey. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other, “Shame on that lazy man to let his poor little son walk.”
Well, the man didn’t know what to do. So he took his boy on donkey also. They passed another group of men. They started saying, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey ”
Finally, because of all comments and pressures, they took donkey on their head.
The reason to share the story is to make mothers understand that it is not possible to take all opinions and comments in consideration. Understand this. You need to stop negativities coming in your life.
I hope this post not only helps me but everyone who faces this. I am sure everyone faces this. Why? Because I think it is an ongoing chain. You were being pressurized so you feel that you have to give pressure to others also.
Dear women who love commenting, either on breastfeeding issue, or schooling issue, or anything.
1. First and foremost, you are not allowed to comment on anyone’s personal life. You don’t know the situation or circumstance of the other party. You don’t know the situation of the mother. Maybe she cries all night just because of your one comment.
2. If you are a mother, you should know that no mother wants bad for her kid. No mother teaches her child to be hyper. No mother likes her child pushing and hitting other children.
4. Understand that everyone have their opinions. If they contradicts yours, tolerate it.
5. Last but not least, don’t jump to conclusions
Your child is awesome. He was completely on breast feed. He spoke early. He is well mannered. He is good in education. Well done. Good for you. I pray for your kid to prosper more.
But dear mom, please understand that maybe someone might not have enough milk to feed her baby completely. Maybe her kid is hyper active and she knows it. But she cannot do anything about it. Maybe she is still struggling with depression and crying because of your “unwanted” comments.
Dear mom, today you are in a better position than her. But try to empathize and understand the situation. Please put yourself in other shoes. I don’t think there is any strict right and wrong in parenting. There might be some signs that maybe something is not right. But if you see any mom struggling, help her instead of judging and bashing her.
May Allah give me and everyone of us, toufeeq to raise their children according to sunnah. We are not capable of doing anything. Every other day I feel helpless. I feel trapped. I feel my life has big changes. Allah Taala shows that it is He who can help. We cannot do anything. These kids are real test, an azmaish.
Hazrat Nuh Alaihissalam, Prophet in Islam, was so obedient to Allah. Could he save his son? Was he able to change his son’s thinking?
To all moms, you are best. Keep trying. Keep struggling. We are only mukkalif (responsible) of showing Allah that we tried best to do tarbiyah. We have been given supplications to hold on. Lets keep everyone in duaas. May this motherhood be easy for everyone.
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَام
“Our Lord! Grant us that our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes, and do make us the leaders of the God-fearing.” (Quran, 25:74)
قَالَ رَبِّ اَوۡزِعۡنِىۡۤ اَنۡ اَشۡكُرَ نِعۡمَتَكَ الَّتِىۡۤ اَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَىَّ وَعَلٰى وَالِدَىَّ وَاَنۡ اَعۡمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرۡضٰٮهُ وَاَصۡلِحۡ لِىۡ فِىۡ ذُرِّيَّتِىۡ ؕۚ اِنِّىۡ تُبۡتُ اِلَيۡكَ وَاِنِّىۡ مِنَ الۡمُسۡلِمِيۡنَ
“My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims.” (Quran, 46:15)
رَبَّنَا لاَ تُزِغْ قُلُوبَنَا بَعْدَ إِذْ هَدَيْتَنَا وَهَبْ لَنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحْمَةً إِنَّكَ أَنتَ الْوَهَّابُ
“Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestower.” (Quran, 3:8)