Okie so after long time I am writing something because my boy does not give me any free time. Oh yes! You got it right. MY BOY!
Alhamdullilah, with the toufeeq of Allah, I gave birth to handsome boy on 13th April 2016. Life is just rushing since then on 5th gear. LOL. Jokes Apart. My ilm and home chores also consume my good amount of time Alhamdullilah.
Well, hmm ..the reason I am writing today is because I thought I want some “ME” time….Astagfirullah. Why Astagfirullah? Because ME TIME is supposed to be with ALLAH Taala. No? Our ROH (SOUL) has some rights towards us. We need to give our Rooh some time too. We have to nurture it too. And the key to nurture the Nafs Is to give time in remembering Allah. May Allah make me among those people who remember Allah every second. Ameen.
Life was going on 2nd gear after my marriage. Smooth and Steady. Drenched in the love of Allah. Earning for and connecting with Allah.. MashaAllah. And then bomb blast! I got pregnant. Sickness attacked me. Depression attacked me. Ilm was not going right. I left Ilm. I left myself. Everything was ajeeb. My world was demolishing.
I used to cry and cry. For no reason. I gave hard time to my husband AllahoAkbar.. Alhamdullilah I got best of best husband. He was by my side every second Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. Those were no doubt Horrible days. 3-4 months went like this. I was pregnant but I was loosing weight instead of gaining.
After 4 months, Alhamdullilah I got control of myself. Sickness started to go and then I realized I did wrong to myself. I left Ilm. I continued Ilm. Started to take recordings of my missed classes. Alhamdullilah rest went smoothly. It was just a phase every women has to see. I thought it was the toughest phase. Indeed it was, but it was ONE OF THE toughest phase. LOL
My husband is LOVE❤ One day I was feeling something awkward. We thought to go to hospital and there they admitted me because my water bag was leaked (Obviously I am skipping lots of details =P) He was by my side when I was in emergency room Alhamdullilah. I was pregnant and I had to deliver but my husband was vomiting =p “cuteness overloaded” (I still torture him for this)
The real exam started after a day I delivered. My husband was not allowed to stay in hospital. I was alone by myself. With the child. Who does not know anything but CRYING. Allah o Akbar. Those four days were the horrible-est days of my life. I literally hated my own child Astagfirullah. I used to say that openly. I used to cry whole night because he was always hungry. Someone just stole my life harshly. I was not able to sleep properly. It was torture. My mind was blowing up. What did I do? Why did I gave him birth? Astagfirullah. These were the thoughts I had.
After four days, I came back to my home. Had to do all chores the very next day. No pampering. You know what, life has always treated me like this. Alhamdullilah. Summa Alhamdullilah. Maybe Allah wanted me to come closer to HIM. To only ask HIM help. Allah O Alam.
My hateness remained there for good one month. I used to care for him. Do everything for him. Always available for him. But he never smiled. SubhanAllah how insan are. Right. We always do things to take benefit in return. Yes this is human nature. Astagifrullah.
Now I am reflecting on what I did. May Allah forgive me. How ungrateful I am. I am just imagining how Allah nurtures us and we do not give HIM any response. Still he continues to take care of us. What if one day Allah Taala just abandon us. Astagfirullah (Now I feel writing out is clearing my own mind ALhamdullilah)
When he became 2.5 months, he started to smile but rarely. I STILL remember the day when I caught him smiling at me. I was changing his pamper and there you go =) It was for seconds. And I tried again and again doing the same pose but he did not smile =P
Both of us, always tried to make him smile. And whenever he smiled.. I cannot explain the emotions…then when he was 3.5- 4 months. He started laughing. It was so sudden. My husband always used to play with him. He suddenly started to laugh. And we were shocked. My husband tried to record. But failed. Tried again. failed. But we knew this is coming soon. After a month, he started laughing frequently. ALhamdullilah. And the beautiful journey began.
He is a part of me. He is Alhamdullilah 6 months old going to be 7 soon inshaAllah. He recently started rolling over. Actually 31st October 2016 is the exact date when he rolled over.
Alhamdullilah I have scheduled my life with him. My ilm , home chores and fawaaz. Though nothing is of quality now. (I doubt if it was before)
Parenting is difficult. Life is difficult. Tarbiyat is difficult. But we all know life is a test. We all are here for test and I assume this is one of the biggest tests.
May Allah give us toufeeq to raise our child according to Shariah teachings. May Allah give us toufeeq to fill the gap we had in our lives. May Allah make our child coolness of our eyes. May this boy takes us to Jannah with him. Ameen.