Today after long time I am writing.

I am writing in state of desperation. In state of bebasi.

The only ayah which keeps me going is: “Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear”

Bas. Thats it.

Allah Taala I have firm believe in You. You will make things right, you won’t leave me alone. You will guide me. Like always. Please ya Kareem Rab, take things in your power. I am bebas. I give up again and again.

I am like a kid who is learning to walk. Falling down again and again so that you can pick me up, my pyaray Rab. You love me more than my parents ya rabbi, how can you leave me in this situation.

Hold me. Guide me. Bas.



Ungrateful;unending wishes

Human nature is weird. Always ungrateful. No matter which state we are in, we are ungrateful of one thing or the other.

We are passing one phase of pur life and stepping on next; each day, new day, every second;new second but our thoughts are the same. Nothing new because we don’t want to see anything new.

This heart is not to be indulge in this world. This heart is like a ship. The ship will not get drowned If the water will be around the ship but if the water enters into the ship then it will get drowned. We have to sail in this world full of waves but cannot let water enter into our lives and water is our wishes. Unending wishes.

Another end.

Somewhere there are celebrations and somewhere there are mournings.

Yesterday night my dadi passed away. 31st March 2018.

(إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ)

Kullu nafsin zaiqatul mout

And with this so many memories came back. How dada passed away.

Well. These deaths are reminder for us. We are near too. Our time is near.

These worldly delusions is taking us to opposite direction of our real purpose.

Ya Allah save us. If you won’t save us, we will be lost Ya rabbi.

Take us out of this messy shitty life with kalimah tayaba. Life with which you are raazi from us and we are raazi from you. Ya Allah make us among your muqaribeen. And with this duaa ya Allah, I surrender.

لا إلهَ إلا أنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنْتُ مِنَ الظّالِمِيْنَ

Loving ahadiths.

Allah Taala today was THE DAY. Ya Allah Taala, I don’t know how and why you chose this sinner to study your precious ilm. Ya Allah, you gave me such a big responsibility which I cannot thank enough of. Ya Allah, I don’t want to only study but also live each and every word of your deen ya Allah.

I don’t want to be the one on day of Qayamah who will come with Ilm but no amal. Ya Allah, these hadith sessions are just making me love You and Muhammad SAW more.

Ya Allah, today we studied one of the hadith in which Hazrat Muhammad SAW was sending Hazrat Muaaz RA to Yemen and he was giving him advices. Hazrat Muaaz RA was on his animal and Huzoor Akram SAW was walking with him. And once Huzoor Akram SAW was done telling him advices. He said to Muaaz RA that Oh Muaaz! Maybe this is the last time you are seeing me. And maybe next time when you come here, you will see my mosque and my grave only.

Ya Allah, just for a moment when I imagine myself in that position. Being with someone I love immensely. Crazily. I can give my life for that person and that person himself is sending me somewhere and I am going because of his command and I am submitting to his commandings. And now that very person is saying to me that you won’t be able to see me again i.e. he will die soon. Ya Allah, ya Allah. What feelings Hazrat Muaaz RA must have gone through. The time when you are about to leave and someone so special gives you such a big news! AllahoAkbar.

Hazrat Muaaz RA started to cry and huzoor Akram SAW turned his face in opposite direction. Why? Because Huzoor Akram SAW himself was afraid that if he will see hazrat Muaaz RA crying, he might cry too. Just imagine tge scene. Yaaa Allahhhhh….So much love! So much love!

And then Huzoor Akram SAW said to him to have Taqwa. Ya Allah, we also want to love you and your messenger immensely. The way Sahaba used to do. We also love you ya Allah. Give us Taqwa ya Allah. We never saw Nabi Kareem SAW but we love him, want to meet him. Wants to have water of hoz-e-kausr from his hands ya Allah so that we never feel thirsty again then ya Allah. Accept us ya Allah. Make us your maqbool Abd ya Allah. Drag us out of the sins. We are too weak. We are unable to do it. Shaitan always comes in between and then nafs takes over. Please take our charge. Please pyaray Allah.

Fix you

When you try your best but you don’t succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can’t replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below

When you’re too in love to let it go

If you never try you’ll never know

Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And… with this…

Yaad e maazi azab hai ya Rab!

Oh I cannot say the next verse of this because I have exams near 🤣🤭🙈