I stand.. BREATHING!!

In the midst of the unending blue sea,

Surrounded by the chirping birds and waving trees,

Beside the roaring waves and the mesmerizing sun

I stand here with arms wide open,

inhaling the fresh wind

I stand here;eyes closed.

Listening the beat of sea wave,

feeling the touch of rain drops

as they are meant for me

Praising the Mother Nature, for what we have and what will be

I stand here far from the worries; I stand here letting it go

Leaving all matters undertow,

I feel like I am a newborn

The wind touches my skin,

like a mother kissing her newborn

Alive is the word that comes into my mind,

alive I am after this long stride

I stand with my arms open,

I stand…

Breathing!

Misty Thoughts…

Water had some weird attraction. As I headed towards the water, it felt like rising and intensifying towards the eye of a storm; where there was a specific silence and a sudden calm after which there was a deafening roar which could have shown anyone; the glimpses of death.

I walk seemingly dazed, confused and numb, my eyes staring into the distance, focused on nothing in particular but endless sea. People walked out past me in a haze as my feet carry me forward without the need for direction. My mind knew the place very well. I felt some feeling that cannot be described in terms of happiness or pleasure. It was something odd. Something unexplainable.

I stepped on wet even sand, a quiver of joy spread across my body. One more step forward and I was standing in shallow water which was touching my feet, caressing them, asking to come forward. At one hand blustery weather was pushing me back on the other hand water was inviting me forward. It was a war between wind and waves.

Violent strong wave grabbed me, snatching sand from underneath my foot and dragged me forward; leaving the marks of waves all over the sand. I instantly recalled those times when life had dragged me into troubles leaving the scars behind. The time when my world stood still.

I stepped back and composed myself again but I noticed that as I held my foot up, sand took its place and when the foot rested on ground; it made its place again. Similarly in life, when you free your mind from worries, you get to know that problem could have been easily tackled.

I decided to step forward without looking back. I decided not to be afraid of harsh violent waves and as I decided it, I found a new world. I found that obstacles were only at the starting, once I conquered them; other problems just seemed like little ants that bites, gives little sting like someone pinches but pain is not for long. It vanished!  

I finally find myself in that state; ready to accept the truth that I’ve been avoiding the nature of life; the obstacles of my life. That this is it, this is all there is to it. I found the pleasure to take risk. 

Overflowing Tank!

I don’t know why I am writing it. I didn’t even think about anything or jot points; I just want to express my thoughts, some random thoughts which can’t be expressed under any specific topic.

Be the one who you are inside because there are many people in this world having different views about everything, about world, about people and even about you. You don’t have to change for others. Just be yourself, be the real you! Because nothing will bother those throwing views but your life can ruin because of them!

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else –Anonymous

 

My friends always make fun of me when I say “I am who I am” but it’s a real fact, say it selfishness, say it pride or say whatever you want to, I just can’t change this fact. I know compromises are the door to live in this world, but I can’t be a key of this door for “everyone”.

Never be bullied into silence.  Never allow yourself to be made a victim.  Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.  ~Harvey Feuerstein

 

Forget everyone here and live your life to the fullest, live it to the extreme, live it to that extent so in the future you won’t regret this time. You don’t know what has been written for you in the next moment so it’s better to live your best in the present rather than regretting your past or worrying for the future.

To have a peaceful life, compare your life with the ones below you and not the ones above you because seeing above means you are asking for more and when the word “more” comes, it never lasts! It’s that evil friend which will be loyal till you die but will never provide satisfaction.

I have written so many words; But still, I don’t know “what” I am writing?. Why I am writing? I was in a bad mood yesterday so I got an advice from my friend that whatever you have in yourself just throw it out on a paper so I am doing it. It’s such an odd feeling! Oh yes! That “ajeeb” called “mixed feeling” I usually have.

At the moment, what is coming in my mind is bit complicated to understand and I know many will feel against it but I am not here writing for “everyone”, I’m only writing “my” feelings so I am writing what “I” want.

Yes! Have “this” attitude in your life “CARE-FREE ATTITUDE”. I know that I do care and I don’t want any controversial comments here but then my words are saying that I don’t. Why?? Because I believe that the one who care for you, the one who actually understand you, will know conditions you are going through!..You don’t have to explain them because they don’t need any.

“Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don’t Matter and Those Who Matter Don’t Mind.”

 

Most important thing in life is faith; believe in GOD. Don’t just say that “Yeh! I do believe”  let it come with all your heart and soul, convince yourself that whatever obstacles you’re facing, must be for a reason as “everything happens for a reason”. It’s not that easy as it looks, indeed it is easy to say than actually do it because at times when you need courage,it is already half drained out.

I see many people shattered when their loved one leaves this world. They forget their lives; they forget that by these entire grievances, nothing will change. They forget that life won’t stop for them. It actually doesn’t stop for anyone, it just moves on.

I’ve no idea why am I behaving like a “dadi amma” but I want someone to remind me at the time when my spirits get down, when I feel lonely, when I lose my mind that Wafa Tariq!! these were your words and you are going against them!

Feelings of Inter Passed Students

SHOULD I CHOOSE THIS?? OR THAAT??

Deciding field is one of the most crucial factors in your life, which need no emphasis. As a student who has passed inter know the feelings of other students who are ready to start their university life. Hence to assist others, I am sharing my own experience in this article.

It all started of when I gave the last paper of inter exams. Initially, I thought that was the day on which I became free, but I realized it later that it was just a beginning of a new problem; the problem of what to choose!! People starts interfering, giving their “unwanted” opinions to do this, to do that. I don’t know why people poke their nose when they are useless. They just recommended what they knew, what they liked, without considering the one who actually had to experience it. C’mon man! Let the person choose himself.

Many didn’t miss a chance to demoralize me before my Second Year result. People didn’t consider my percentage while counseling me. When I forced them to consider, they started giving disappointed statements. “Itni percentage? Mushkil hai barhna..Dekhlo”.I used to hate this word “Dekhlo”. On one hand, they were leaving on me about what to do; and on the other hand, they were forcing me to do what they considered right.

Once the Inter result was declared, it seemed that someone had locked me in a “maze” where there were many streets and many hurdles, and everyone was telling from outside about their favorite street, not keeping in mind my conditions. For example, one of my relatives stressed me to go for fashion designing. When I told him that I and my father are not at all interested in it, he said sarcastically “OH Acha”. This was the time when I realized that the person, whom I am referring to, was not at all eligible for the counseling. Similarly, another one said “Go for Home economics”! This was the time when I really wanted to punch their face out. I wanted to ask what their problem is. This is not their life. This is mine. I have to live my future. I have to live my life. They don’t have to!

Generally, if you secure less percentage, you are forced to hear disappointed statements from your parents as well as from those who don’t pay even a single part in helping in your studies. Or, even if you, luckily, secure a percentage higher than that of the previous one, you are blessed with more so-called “suggestions” rather than useful appreciation. Only few asked my wish while counseling me. Someone asked what “you” want to do? I was very happy that at least someone is interested in knowing my interest. I told that my mind is towards BBA or Engineering. There, I came across different notions.“BBA??Now a days, everyone is doing BBA. So, don’t choose that”….“Engineering?? No that is man-dominating field, chalo agar tum chali bhi gaeen what will u choose?”

Lastly, I decided to follow the golden rule “Hearing all but doing what I want”. I just prioritize my family and my closed ones and asked pros n cons of BBA and Engineering. Finally, I made any mind for BBA. No readers, that was not the end, that was a beginning of a new problem. Not my problem indeed, problem of those who loved to poke their nose everywhere. Their new question comes.”Oh! so you decided to do BBA. From which university?”

Oh Bhai, why are “you” so interested in someone’s life?

See When you don’t know my financial condition, When you don’t know my family background then why are you tying me to enter the specific university? You don’t have have to pay for me nor I am asking you to pay.

I want to end my article by saying, for an inter student, this is the most horrible phase of life, where one come to know how confused he/she actually is. I do admit that all this mess may not be so horrible for those who have high aims but sometimes you have to put your interest aside (exceptions). It is not always possible to do of your interest. Hence, being neutral would be better at this stage. Not only me, my friends, the people I know(hello hi ones) all are in same state. All are depressed. Some are in tension because what they aimed for, is rejected by their parents, others don’t have enough money. Those who have both things don’t have required result.

Today we are tensed, confuse, sick of all this. Inshallah we will laugh on this condition of ours in the future. Today, there maybe good future…In future, it may not have that importance. Think about it!

Last but not least: “FACE your past with REGRET, HANDLE your present with CONFIDENCE, and PREPARE yourself for the future without any FEAR”

Best of luck!

Mixed Feelings

Isn’t it just strange when you have so many mix feelings that you don’t really know how you feel? Are your mixed feeling a problem?. Do your feelings help you to solve your problem or they just confuse you?

I haven’t got time to think about it but somehow after shifting to Pakistan I realized how changed I am, the changes I’ve had, in my life, my way of thinking, of looking at the world, of living, etc… It made me realize the fact that I’m living my own life here not the life I’m suppose to live. I don’t mean this in a bad way, but it’s just that I got to realize that now I’m responsible for myself, for what I do, the decisions I take, etc.

Question is what actually mixed feelings is? Mixed feelings can be anything.

When I have mixed feelings, I can be sad, happy, mad, frustrated, aggravated, and depressed at the same time.

As our family is distributed to different countries, I go through these feelings many times. I wonder why are we separate?? Won’t we ever live together again? Few days ago I felt strange, feeling sad that my mom is going back to dad, knowing this already months ago that it will happen and I also knew that I’ll feel lonely after she goes back..even though I was mentally prepared, yet I felt a hollow space in my life as soon as I left her at the  airport.

It is sad to come back from university to a lonely home, not having anyone to see the wall clock trying to tell that Wafa Tariq you are late and not having anyone at night telling me to turn off the light and go to sleep and like this list goes on…

Well, sometimes it feels good to be alone but mostly this loneliness kills, You feel that something odd is happening..You don’t understand what actually “that” odd is..That ODD is called “MIXED FEELINGS”

“We are slow to believe that which if believed would hurt our feelings.” Louis Nizer

Louis talked about mixed feelings in very complicated way..but it’s the whole story of my life compressed in just one sentence. Or you can say my feelings compressed here.

Many times I desperately want “MY TIME”…Time where only ME is there, no one else. I want to think about myself, what I am doing, where I am standing and where I should be..but.. the other time.. I think how selfish I am, just thinking about “ME”.

I want to conclude my article now as if I go on writing..I will never end! And I know my situation or say my feelings..you won’t be able to understand them..After all they are MY MIXED ODD FEELINGS..!!

“There is no other who experiences your thoughts or your feelings”