What has happened to me? Why I am not the same one? Am I changing or it is just the people perception? If I am changing then is it a good change or a bad change? Where is my life turning? Am i heading towards where I should be headed or have I gone astray? Am I ready to die? Have I done enough to qualify the final examination of Akhirah? What if i die right now ? Am I satisfied with my life? Is my life satisfied with me?
Questions to ponder upon for you and for me.
Questions to ponder upon.
I don’t know what mood I am in. The awkward thing is that I sometimes can’t understand myself. My emotions. I remember once I took a test of Emotion Management in Psychological Department , and I literally failed in “knowing your own mood part”.. and I excelled in “knowing and controlling others”.. Like what a shame.
I feel like “most-un thankful-person” of Allah who has everything yet unsatisfied. There is deep hole. It is hollow and very deep. The whole anger thing comes out thinking I am missing that person or this person or saying this didn’t go well and blah blah but I know the reality is whole different. I know that this feeling is because of some malfunction within me. Last week I remember I was listening a Bayan in which the speaker said “This hollow feeling will never go. Because this hollow is because you are lacking in practicing Islam”. I wonder Is my heart dead or something? The speaker said “If you seek for guidance, you will be guided. If you don’t want, Allah will help you go astray”. Has Allah chosen me to go astray? I don’t want to. No! I want to be back to Islam. I don’t want my heart to be black and lifeless. I want to listen my heart beat when I stand in front of Allah or when I act against the teachings of Islam and not when I am afraid of worldly people….but I hate when I get afraid while speaking in front of crowd, I hate when I shiver before starting any work. I want to shiver just for Allah. I want to cry just for Allah. I don’t want to cry for these worldly people. But the thought which wakes me up is WWWHYYY Why these thoughts never occur to me when the event happens and why I am unable to control myself. When I know that this feeling I am getting should be purely for Allah yet I cannot control. Am I chosen in Allah’s bad people? Is my destiny purely “jahanum”?
I remember Speaker said “Try and Go to discover Islam, Allah will help you” . I started trying. I tried to my extent (okay I know this isn’t the extent. I can go far away) …but..amm… I don’t know. Maybe I am weak. Very weak. Sometimes the difference I feel between the “Old Wafa” and “New Wafa” is that before she didn’t know that it is called sin which she has committed . Now she knows. She repents. She regrets. She is guilty. But still Do!!
I guess this situation is worst than previous one.
Discussing it with a religious person, according to him, This is the initial stage when I am at least knowing things. I said You still say it “initial” when you are aware of how many permanent changes I have already made and how many obstacles I had to go through to convince others. He said yes! Because today you are saying them obstacles because you are not firm in what you did. If you would be confident, you wouldn’t have used the term “obstacles”. You would have named them “experiences”. Both things have different meanings.
Ahh… yehh… confusion. The dua I make is “O Allah make me a better Muslimah please. Don’t let me go astray. Don’t make my heart dead. I want to listen its heart beat when I think about YOU and not about thinking anyone else. Let me handle all the obstacles. Verily, I know YOU don’t burden any soul beyond it can carry. But I am very weak. Please don’t take exam I cannot pass. Please. Forgive my sins. O Merciful! Grant mercy on me. I did million and trillions of sins. Please forgive. I am like an ant infront of you. You are THE BIG, THE MAGNIFICENT. Have mercy on me. Give me peace and tranquility. I want You in me. I am asking YOU something and you never let anyone go bare hands. Please”
ahhhhhhh…….. I am done. Hope I feel good after reading after some months.
Leave me quiet. Leave me alone. No, I don’t want to speak. I am good like this. Lips zipped. I don’t want to explain. I don’t want to clarify anything. Sometimes it is worthless to explain things. We feel tired of explaining. It is just useless. It is just known as ranting when you speak in anger. You throw bombs on others which don’t even explode. You utter words trying to explain things to people yet every little struggle you do to explain go in vein. Actually everything you say comes on you like a hoarded monster waiting for you to say a word and it will torture you with those words till you die. It is like digging grave for your own.
No use to make people happy when you know in order to make someone happy, you will have to offend someone else. This is life’s ritual or you can say custom of life. Everyone is dependent on other. If you think that you can do wonders on your own then you are wrong. It is your figment of imagination.
But what does it mean? You keep piling things on?? Waiting for the right moment to blow up? Meanwhile you keep burning inside? No, I don’t think this is the solution. Solution is simple yet we have made it difficult. We feel shame to do that act. We think this will make us small. But it is not like that. Take it in. Take everything inside. Clear all your mind and heart and bow down your head in front of Allah. Have brief conversation with The Almighty Allah. Who created you. Talk to Him. Tell him all the worries. Tell him, EXPLAIN him. And after elucidating EVERYTHING make HIM responsible to patch up things. Say it in your words “ALLAH do this for me” and believe HIM that HE will do and sit back, relax and see the magic.
It’s a known fact that it is not the first time Non-Muslims insulted Islam. Be it yesterday or today, luring Islam towards infamy has been the core objective of many. The Danish cartoon controversy and the burning of Quran are examples of many of the notorious events that took place in the past. Blasphemy is now a common occurring but recently it has spiked to a higher level, with the French magazine profaning in the midst of the protests over the film.They are proving themselves to be “SummomBukmunOmyon” (deaf, dumb, and blind).
Just give it a thought. Will protesting affect them? Will destroying assets make “us” suffer or make “them” suffer?Isforgetting our own principles a solution to teach them? They played with us emotionally and we have affected ourselves emotionally, morally as well as “physically”. Who won? Is this how a religion is to be preached?He (P.B.U.H) taught us forgiveness along with patience not violence.
It is quite obvious that infidels want to destroy the peace of Muslim countries and quite honestly, we are helping them achieve their aim by being all senseless and illiterate. This is not the implementation of Prophet’s (SAW) Sunnah but rather a dishonor to all that he has taught us. It’s high time that we stop overreacting over current situations and focus on the big picture, which is the long term. How can we teach them a proper lesson? How do we make them realize that the blasphemy they call “freedom of speech” is an unforgivable dishonor in the eyes of the Muslims?
Iran has made a movie on Hazrat Mohammad(P.B.U.H) life in response to theAmerican-made-movie. Iran played its part by depicting the true face. Now we should think rationally as to how we can play our part. In 1973, Organization of Arab Petroleum Exporting Countries or the OAPEC (consisting of the Arab members of OPEC, plus Egypt, Syria and Tunisia) stopped the oil supply to U.S for few months which caused their economy to collapse badly and they back on track. It’s the time to repeat history. If 1.5 billion Muslim get united and boycott the products of all Western countries, it will make them come to us themselves.
Infidels have already made a bad reputation of Muslims. By killing and spreading violence, Muslims are only endangering their reputation and the lives of their Muslim brothers and sisters who live abroad. What will be the result of this violence? Will they respect our Prophet (P.B.U.H) and our nation after killing innocent people who has nothing to do with the imbecile?
Instead of destroying and killing each other, let’s give them a hard time. Let OIC play its role and on the other hand play your part. Let’s boycott their products. Let’s cut them deep so that it takes ample time to heal.
U.S should know the difference between “freedom of speech” and “freedom of blaspheme”
Johnson & Johnson, Coke Cola, KFC, Kelloggs, loreal, Starbuck, Lays, Hardees, Levi’s, Pizza Hut are some of the products of U.S. Its time to get united
This is the link for those who want to know the real persona of Hazrat Muhammad (P.B.U.H)
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=389955767742442
This is our Mohammad (P.B.U.H)
How is it possible for one to oppose an act that is actually supposed to be implemented? How can one prove a right thing as wrong? How can one ask the other not to follow the right path?
Alhamdullilah, when Allah starts changing a person or shows him the right path, He gives him the courage to tolerate all the criticism that follows. He makes the person strong enough to fight for the right decision. He holds the hand of His creation and guides him through all the hurdles. The person automatically starts having a firm belief that he is for his Creator and not for anyone else. He is living this life to obey Allah and any one else can’t do any little thing to him.
He realizes that maybe today he is suffering but tomorrow he will get a reward much higher than what he is suffering today and that reward won’t be for limited life say 30 or 40 years but for the unending life hereafter.
These days I am going through that phase in which people are not able to accept my changes. I can’t make a list of things that I am trying to ignore or trying to eradicate completely from my life because there is no point of saying WORDS when one can’t ACT on it. There are many tensions and conflicts regarding me getting religious day by day but this is what I am now and they have to accept it in any case.
“Endless conversation about change is a barrier. Actually committing to doing something and then acting is what is required”- David Jakes
I know I was wrong and what I am today is what I should be. I remember the day when I took the first step to prosperity, I asked Allah to give me the courage and strength to stay firm on it and to provide me with tolerance to face all kinds of obstacles.Today I am far away from what I was. Alhamdulillah Allah changed me and showed me what is right. He protected me from evil. I know there is still more to go.
I am well aware about what is permissible and what is not and that if I turn my face against what is right;it will not leave me Muslim anymore but will make me Kafir. This is not what I say, this is what Quran says.
“They wish that you reject faith as they have rejected (faith), and thus that you all become equal (like one another kafir).” (An-Nisaa’: 89).
Well I still face obstacles and I still loose hope but deep within me is something that pushes me to stand for what is right. I am struggling and I will keep struggling. I am already full of sins and don’t want to be more.
May Allah give me more patience and strength to face the hurdles and the obstacles. May Allah purify my heart. Ameen.
My World! 