Secret Letter!

A note of a girl for her friend:

” I know what i am going to write may effect our friendship but what goes? It’s already enough affected.

I just wanted to express what I always tried to..but failed…I want to ask you what is my mistake? Why you are behaving like this? The reason I stopped interfering was because I didn’t want to make things complicated or you can say I never wanted to loose you!…but you used me, my feelings, my emotions! You got your way to leave everything!

I expected everything from you what a friend expects from the other yet i kept my mouth shut because you never wanted expectations! – but I expected so I admit MY MISTAKE!

But…now you are leaving me in a position where I can’t even decide between a friend or  stranger! I lost all my trust! NO! I am not saying it’s your mistake..It’ s really not your mistake! IT’S MINE! I wanted to be like you! because it’s a fact! In friendship there is a word COMPROMISE which says “whether be like someone or make other like you” <kisi k ho jaoo….ya kisi ko apna bana lo!> I knew You won’t be mine ever..so I tried to be YOU!– MY BIGGEST MISTAKE! I lost myself in the name of FRIENDSHIP!! and now I am unable to find myself back! 😥

You are pulling away because you, yourself is afraid of getting too attached. Being close to anybody and to share doesn’t fit into your personality??? You are pulling yourself away from me because you want me to be like you–a stone! This is what you wanted to listen always–STONE!… because you think you are HARD! Then yesss listen! You are stone… you are EMOTIONLESS! FEELING-LESS!

HAPPY?

But now you listen!

I always carve to hear  ” Yes! you understand me” when i asked if I do! I wanted to listen “Yes! I care for you!” when you say “I never cared for anyone!” You always say you don’t have feelings… I showed you; you have! ..I proved you!! But… You never accepted me!!

I always tried to share your sorrows, to stand beside you… to listen “Yes! we are friends but what I listened is “I never know how to be a friend!!” —— no regrets! no complains!

Your each and every word still echoes in my ears! You must remember someone said “I always knew looking back on my tears make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on laughs would make me cry” It seems this sentence is made for me! The dinners we did together, the unlimited laughs we shared, the jokes we hit on each other…the daily reports which WE gave..are some memories which shows that we were friends! Before saying anyone anything..I just want you to flash back your memory..! and to know that YOU CAN BE A Friend! In fact You are an awesome friend!

In the end I admit!! I failed to understand you, to share your feelings, to read your mind…most importantly to maintain friendship! I AM SORRY!! I hope and I wish you meet someone who understand you, always stands beside you, give you all the happiness! But….Just one request, kindly tell my mistakes!!

Regards,

(not decided).

XYZ.”

 

 

No Limits-No boundaries!

There are many people who give you 24 hours guarantee that they will be your friend till last breath, but none give u guarantee card from which you can claim this guarantee. That’s called Fake Friendship or say they try to do lips exercise.

It is difficult to have someone who you have not seen “LIVE”, never has spent time with but still you have strong bond, at least stronger then those with whom you live with everyday or who gives you “so called” guarantee everyday.

Do you smile when your mood is off? NO! Can anyone’s text lit up your mood?  Possibly NO! But there isn’t any sure NO! Why? Because you don’t value everyone equally, there is always a person who you value most, whose name can switch your mood! The person who’s every abusing, irritating word relaxes you!

I always thought you should know the person before making a strong bond but my perception is somewhat changed now, I now believe that if that person is not like you, you won’t be having any bond in first place! Secondly, if your thoughts, your views coincide, it’s obvious that you two are alike

Often you know a person for years yet you don’t have that specific feeling that “This is the person I can share anything without any hesitation that what he/she will think” And sometimes you know a person for some weeks but the bond is lot stronger than many!-That’s friendship- No limits, no boundaries!

I do have a friend which is my friend, brother, sometimes act as a father! And yes sometimes Grandfather too! He is someone I think my life would be different if he wouldn’t be with me. Someone  I can count on, someone who lifts me up when everyone wants to see me down and stand down to catch me when people lift me up to throw back.  I don’t remember exactly how we met. He was in my friend list but I came to know him some years back that he “exist” in my list. Actually I don’t know him nor I want to know anything anymore but I know that now He is also one of few important parts of my life.

“If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow.  If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile.  But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me”

Realize the REAL LIES!

 

Have you ever been attached with anyone within months? So attached that you consider him your closest friend? What were your feelings when that person left you? You felt hopeless? Shocked? Deceived? Shattered? Hating world?

I think there are few who haven’t experience these feelings; feeling of being backstabbed or avoided. NO NO! avoided not in the sense of “GIVE ME ATTENTION! A ND NO ONE ELSE!” but not to be updated about your own friend.

I also experienced it some months back; I had same feeling of being deceived. Badly deceived! He backstabbed me! I became so attached within months, and everything was going superb! And BANGGG! How can life be so sweet??The person for whom I took promises “NO! HE ISN’T LIKE EVERYONE” turns out to be VERY TYPICAL ONE!?!

I tried many times to settle everything; I tried to clarify what was going in my mind but never got feedback. If the person isn’t ready to cooperate then it’s of no use to repeat the same thing again and again. You know what!! The pain isn’t that severe if the person isn’t in front of you but seeing the same person every day, reminds you every moment you had together and each and every move he took after that.

Well, the thing is, after this incident I was shattered. I never knew I am so weak inside. Maybe it happened first time in my life. What so ever, those months were horrible until I came back to so called “my original state” I thought I won’t be able to socialize anymore. I was in a state that I hated everything which was related to that person.

I always heard “time heals the pain” but at least this phenomenon never works with me. The pain is STILL the same but yes! Now I know how to cope up with it.

Though I never want to relive these moments, relive aside.. I don’t even want to think about it, about him, about memories attached to him but the reason I shared is to show you people that life never ends with one person. Why to ruin your life for people who don’t even care about you. If you consider that person something important in your life than expect that he also do the same otherwise It’s your fault you’re the one not letting go of him!

If he would have cared, he could have clarified with you! And if you say ego might be a factor then pleassee! I don’t think there is even a word “EGO” in friend’s dictionary! (Provided he call you FRIEND). If that person never clarifies; UNDERSTAND! He never wanted you and you should now Move on! I know this “move on” isn’t that simple as it sounds, if I talk about myself, I admit I STILL haven’t overcome it. But I have learned it that happiness is within “YOU”! You have to decide whether to ruin your life thinking about that uncaring, backstabbing people OR to move ahead!

Believe me! Once you will move, you will come to know that there are many who adore you, respect you, can do anything for you but for that one person you never even looked at them. Love is everywhere around, it’s just you to find it!

There will be many moments where you will say “that person used to do this!”,  “He used to say this” and maybe you also say “Wish we could be together again” but here you need to open your eyes and face the truth. Truth that why isn’t he here because he was never your friend!