Car or Chinchi?

I was just wondering what is best for me? Travelling in car or in chingchi. Like I will face risk in both the situations. My family will be with me both the times. The difference would be that if I hit by some accident, I will be killer of my family and if we will be in chinchi or rickshaw, the driver will be responsible. But then if I analyze it more then there is less chances of death in car accident as it is covered and chinchi and rickshaw is not covered. But then if I hit my car and we don’t die then we will have to pay for it. Dad will also scold and he won’t trust me with driving. What should I do?

Sometimes life feels so messed up. If we gather small small things and analyze them, we will feel that everything is like a spider-web; connected to each other.  Every solution is connected to million problems and vice versa.

Sometimes I don’t understand myself. I think so negative at times. What would have happened if I wouldn’t have discussed about death in first paragraph? But it seems the word “death” is attached to my every sentence now and then. Is it because I am not afraid or I am very much afraid inside or I am getting too practical now. Death is something which no one can do anything about. We should be prepared at every time. So why should I feel shame saying “If I have to die, I will die infront of you and you won’t be able to do anything”. Yeh! Thats right! Accept  the fact!

Well today was the second time, I had accident. When you do something, you have to experience it. You have to face the world and you have to face all consequences. I don’t care about myself as compare to I care about car and family. When I am driving, I am responsible. But what can I do about those who don’t accept their mistake. They hit my car and put blame on me. Like fine! I don’t give  a damn who you think the fault is. I want money of the destruction you made to my car. Then you come being all “chowra” because you have luxury car Heliex. But you don’t have eyes to see? and most importantly YOU ARE DRUNK!! Bloody Drunker!

I dun know how many more experiences life has for me to tackle. Then people say I am transforming into boy. *Clapping*

Come and live my life please!



inna lillah ve inna ileyhi raciun

“Everyone is going to taste death, and We shall make a trial of you with evil and good, and to Us you will be returned.” (21:35)

Indeed, Allah’s promise will be fulfilled. The Death is something so inevitable, yet so very often forgotten. Each day that passes, each day we breathe, each day we spend our life doing sin or doing well leads us closer to the day we have to die; to the day we have to return to our CREATOR!

We show remorse and sadness when our love one or close one passes but what we learn from it? How we reflect it upon our own self? We think that death is at a distance from us and will not come until a SPECIFIC age. We talk about the average human life is, without thinking that is average not ours!

Indeed our time is closer than we can even think. Are we prepared for what is going to happen? Have our hearts become stoned to shed some tears out of fear of meeting Lord? What will you do? What will you say? What is life? An unpredictable reality; Today I am, tomorrow I am not. I am writing right now and I don’t know if I will be writing the next letter. What if I die the next second?

Why is that when one dies, they leave thousand questions behind? Why does one gain importance after dying? The same person greeting you, saying ‘HI’every day never gets your attention but as soon as he passes away, he becomes so important for you? Is this what the world is? People acknowledge your importance after you’re gone? Is this the place we are striving for? Is this the place we are living for? Is this the place which will be forever? Answer Is NO!

There maybe thousands of people you know and there may be very few that hold importance in your life. But believe me those unimportant ones are very important. I don’t know how to put it. I got a lesson today; never ever think someone is not important. Each and every person is equally important. You realize this fact when they are gone; when you lose them.

Our bodies are no doubt Allah’s entrustment to us. It shall depart someday.  May Allah rest everyone’s soul in peace. May Allah grant them place in Paradise Insha’Allah.

Inna Lila hi wa inna ilehi Raji’un

To Allah we Belong and to Him we Return


O Allah! Take my life while praying or in sleep. O Allah grant me honor to recite Kalma when I die. O Allah make my death a blessing not a curse. Verily, One day I have to come back to you! Protect me.


Dada- You will always be remembered!

It was around 11:30 pm when doctor called for emergency and on the way to hospital dad got call “Ina lelahe-wa-ina-ilaehe-rajeon”. My grandfather breathed his last on 6th September 2011 and left this mortal world along with his wife and kids to mourn over his death.

This tragic day came well prepared. One day he got fits and my brother took him to doctor. Doctor declared him perfect but as soon as he reached home, he got fits again but this time they were severe. His tongue got injured and he got unconscious too. Bhai rushed him to nearest hospital which was Remedial where he was admitted in ICU. ICU name itself opens the eyes of people and when your own loved one is admitted in, it gets hell out of the person. My father being the elder son took first flight to Pakistan and reached the same day. Baba wasn’t satisfied with management so he shifted dada to Patel Hospital.

Till this time my grandfather could somewhat speak or could surely make us understand his point through signs. Dada was very conscious about his prayers and he never wanted “na-paki” so he was very disturbed too. Whenever who ever used to go near him, he used to say “Mujhay release kerwao!” and we used to say “Dada ap sahi ho jaeen! Inshallah khud yeh log release daingay!”One day we saw dada scolding ward boy of not releasing him. Like he was not letting him come near him. When he saw bhai watching him he said “MUJHAY YAHAN SAY NIKALO KHABEES!” and I could see tears in my brother eyes. There was nothing in our hand. We were helpless! And we were actually very positive about dada release; we never thought wound will not heal but will only become severe.

Well, as time passed he started losing his strength; even doctor admitted that he is losing his faith in himself. He was not improving. As time passed, he stopped speaking, but still he used to ask baba to release him through sign language. But nothing was in baba’s hand. One of his lung stopped working and then his kidney stopped working. Soon he had tubes for oxygen, medicine and food all over his body. It seemed as if WILL-POWER is everything in a human body. Once a person looses it, he starts declining. So was the case with dada. He was loosing his will power and his body organs at same time. I remember once dada was very uncomfortable and unconscious too. I was feeling weird seeing him so just to check him. I asked smiling “Dada jaldi sahi ho jaeen, dadi wait ker rahi hain!” and got no reply. This was the most awkward moment which I can’t describe.

On exact choti eid day, doctors declared no hope and asked to pray. When happiness was all around, our house was not more than a mourning place. My father who was deeply attached to dada had to declare this news in home. Baba hugging dadi. Phophos, chacho all around hugging baba. It was a scene which I am not able to get out of my mind. On this day I came to know the bitter reality that pain of knowing that you are going to loose your loved one is lot more than knowing you have lost him!

On 6th September 2011, I guess it was fourth day of Eid when dada breathed his last. Inalilahewainailaeherajeon-  Who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.”(2:156). May God give him place in Jannah. Ameen!

He lived his life but left us to ponder over our end of life. What we have done, what are we doing with it and what is our future. Our graph is declining with time. My grandfather who was known as “Ata-ul-Mola Shamsi” became “Mayet” and “dead body” as soon as soul left his body. I wonder is this long a person reputation is which he struggle to maintain his whole life?

In the end of day, every person came alone and will surely go alone so why not to devote our life for the ONE who will benefit us in life after death instead of working for those who never benefited us nor will ever benefit.

P.s- I didn’t tell Baba about this post. I don’t have guts to ask comments, to see him fighting back his tears again. It is enough seeing him getting weaker day by day……………

I.C.U- i WILL see YOU!!

As I stepped in ICU, I moved my gaze all around. I felt as if my life had stopped for some seconds. I couldn’t hear anything. I was completely numb. Patients were lying on bed unaware of themselves. The faces of their beloved portrayed only tension. The staff members were all around trying to help the patients fighting with their lives and deaths. The notice boards were hung behind patient’s bed to warn the visitors. “Don’t touch his hand”; “Put your mask on before coming near him”.

I wondered what a person`s life is…He spend whole life enjoying without thinking about the day when he will be lying on bed helplessly fighting for his life, when his own ones will avoid coming near him. Throughout his existance, Life asked him to come back to it but he didn’t, and now when he is lying powerless, he is BEGGING LIFE TO COME BACK! How pity!

As I gained my senses back, I heard ticking sound of heartbeat machine. The smell of blood was everywhere in room. Some patients were trying to inhale the oxygen, some were unconscious, and some were tormented with pain. There was smell of death hanging everywhere.

My eyes moved to a patient who was unconscious but his eyes were wide open. It was a horrific sight. Later I came to know that he is counting his last breathes as he was on ventilators. The old man lost his breath once but was brought back to life through machines. The machines were surrounding his bed to give him fake life. People were standing near ICU, as if waiting for him to breathe his last. I know they were unhappy but it also seems they want to be at one side.

Then there was another scene I witnessed when an old woman was fighting for her life and her loved ones were fighting over her regarding responsibility of decisions. Throughout her life, the woman supported her relatives as a daughter, mother and wife but when she wanted a support, her own sons refused to accept her. This is life!

I was still in ICU when emergency was declared and the old man was given electric shocks. I was frozen
at my place. I was watching the whole scenario when nurse came and asked me to go out. I wasn’t able to absorb what was happening in front of me. As I stepped out, some people were wishing Eid to one another. I ignored and searched the patient’s attendee but couldn’t find anyone. When nurse called Patient’s name out, the attendee went in and came out with a body without a soul! There were tears everywhere. The place where people wished Eid to one another becomes the mourning place!

I realized how mean we are. While celebrating Eid we forget about those who passed away. Instead of thanking Allah to grant us a new day, to give us happiness we indulge in unwanted celebrations. O Allah! Do not make us dependent on anyone whole life.…O Allah! Grant us good health till our last breath…Give us blessing of KALMA-e- SHAHDAT on our last moment! Ameen!

Aik muddat ke baad hum ne yeh jana Ay

Teri zaat se ishq sacha,
baqi sab Afsaanay hain…..

I am, I WAS!

I was happy. I went to buy some gifts for my parents anniversary as I planned a huge surprise party for them .On my way back home, suddenly something happened and I found myself lying on  the ground in severe pain. My body was badly hurting. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I wasn’t able to move nor could I see. I could only hear people running and screaming for help. My mind was totally jammed, I didn’t have control over myself.

Again I heard a loud explosion that gave me strong jerk and then there was complete silence all around. Within seconds, I recalled my life and realized I wasn’t prepared for my life after death! I did nothing to secure my ending! I always thought about myself. I was selfish. I barely helped anyone. I did nothing for my parents who brought me up, who overcame all the obstacles so that I could have a better life, who taught  how to walk, speak!

I never thought of prayers as an obligation. I always became deaf on hearing the Azan; I became blind seeing people going towards Mosque. I was as ignorant as the people whom were regarded as deaf, dumb, and blind by Allah. As far as Quran is concerned, it was always there in my room but it seemed more as a decoration piece rather than a reading BOOK.. I realized na may dunya ki hoo na may akhraat manay dunya k lia kuch kia and na akhrat k lia…!  A war lost on both ends.

I was thinking about all this when someone dragged me. I never thought people will  behave with me like this after my death.They were all so good to me just a while ago! After all did I ever help anybody or did anything for anyone? i could expect this behavior. I was mean, rude to all those under me. It was there time now. I heard someone searching for me and as that person got near, he burst into cry. He was actually my father!

I wasn’t aware what was happening until I was given Ghusul(bath) and was taken back to my own house in my very own bedroom, a room filled of people who were  crying. I felt guilty hearing those whom I never payed any heed to. I wanted to apologize to all. I did hurt them a lot. I wish I knew they loved me so much. I was so helpless, lying there like a rotten piece of flesh. I never knew that these people I had invited to my parent’s anniversary, will  turn into the guests for my own funeral! I knew nothing!!

I tried to recite Kalma but I realized I didn’t even remember it. This was the time I became sure I am a looser of my THIS life and LIFE after death! I wished the way I prepared for this party, I would have prepared for my life after that too! I wished I would have offered prayer and recited Quran! I wished if I had showed any act of kindness or respect I wouldn’t be in this condition. I wished I would have helped anyone! I wished and I wished but all in vain as everything was finished now! I was finished!