Allah Taala I need to talk to you.
Allah Taala I want to be close to you. I want to be yours. Allah Taala I say “La ilaha illal’lah” but maybe I don’t mean it. Ya Allah I really want to mean it. Ya Allah. I see so many people who don’t love you but is in Ishq with you. They are your true Aashiq ya Allah. Ya Allah why can’t I be your Aashiq?
The lady that day, she cried just because some na mehram accidentally saw her face. It wasn’t her mistake. It wasn’t intentional. It wasn’t anyones mistake. She cried. Not because of some pressure. She cried because she loved you crazily. Why can’t I love you so passionately ya Allah? Why can’t I cry when I do so many big sins intentionally. Why don’t I feel guilty Ya Allah. Am I not the worthy one? Or can I not be worthy ever. Ever?
Ya Allah today I was listening to bayan and Molana was saying that a person does sins and sins. He does not become guilty. He does not cry. Why? because his heart has become dead. Ya Allah, I don’t want a dead heart. Ya Allah I want a living heart. Heart full of your love. I need your love. I want your love ya Allah.
I cannot have my heart in peace until I submit to you 100% and Allah I do want to submit but I keep on sinning and sinning.
Allah Taala I don’t want to sin. I promise. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how my shaitan always wins. I have made my nafs weak ya Allah. Thats the truth.
Ya Allah. I am that child who is learning to walk ya Allah. I try to walk but then fall. Again I stand. Try to clean my clothes and then walk but again I fail ya Allah. Ya Allah, the way childs mother picks him up and holds his tiny hands and teach him to walk ; ya Allah please hold me also. Ya Allah. I give up ya Allah.
I give up.
Ya Allah, hold my hands and never leave me ya Allah. I don’t have anyone except you, ya Allah. You are the boss of everything. You can do anything. Put me on straight path. Don’t let me deviate ya Allah. Please. Drag me to straight path. I am yours ya Allah.
Give me sukoon ya Allah.
I am your sinner ya Allah
i surrender ya Allah
P.s Allah is bachay ko bhi sukoon dey dein. Yeh bhi aik imtehan hai.